SHOW NOTES

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TRANSCRIPT

Elizabeth: [00:00:00] You are listening to Smart Talks with the Elizabeth Smart Foundation.

I'm your host, Elizabeth Smart. Smart Talks provides survivors and supporters with tools for healing, a sense of community, and empowerment so we can all heal and move forward together.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Smart Talks by the Elizabeth Smart Foundation. I am your host Elizabeth. And today you get to listen to just me for a while, so buckle in. Actually today, what I'm talking about is a very sensitive topic, but it's very important and I feel very strongly about it.

Today, what I wanna talk about is false accusations and false reporting. Every now and then in the media, a major story will pop up where, much of the nation, or maybe even the world has followed along in somehow, some way, it's come to light that [00:01:00] this person was lying. And I, it breaks my heart, first of all, to learn of those stories, because what has that person have, what do they have going through their mind that they would think that this was a good idea to lie about something so serious? Not only is it devastating to other survivors because it makes it so much harder for them to be believed. But what about the people who are the accused as well? If they are genuinely innocent, what does it do to their life? And doesn't it always place a shadow of doubt over their head. If the, especially if the case was highly publicized.

The numbers of false reporting and false claims, so it's scary because really only two to 10% of all accusations are false, which means 90 to 98% of people reporting, they are telling [00:02:00] the truth. Which in my mind still says that you will always be safer to believe a victim than to not, which is honestly the whole reason why I started one of my foundation's biggest campaigns, our We Believe You campaign. We run it every November. It's all November long. It's about raising education and support for survivors, helping them to know that they have a soft place to land, that they have a whole community of people out there who will believe them and support them.

It's also about educating communities on how to respond, because having someone come to you and disclose to you for the first time that they've been sexually abused or they've been hurt, it can be honestly, terrifying. And I know because there isn't an event that goes by, or almost a grocery shopping session, if you will, that goes [00:03:00] by where I don't have someone come up to me and disclose abuse to me. And many times it begins with, " oh, I have never told anyone this, but I feel like I can tell you, but the same thing that happened to you happened to me, but different." The amount of times that I have heard that I couldn't even count and it breaks my heart and the number one reason why survivors don't come forward, why they don't speak out is because they're scared of not being believed.

I feel incredibly lucky on m any levels, but one of 'em is that I have never experienced that doubt or that fear of not being believed that it kept me silent. My kidnapping and my abduction, they were so highly publicized, that it's always been the exception rather than the norm, when I've been doubted. I have had people come up to me and say things like, "oh, you're you are [00:04:00] lying. How do you know, you ran away. You really loved him, didn't you? How do you feel knowing that you've sent an innocent man to prison?" I have had those comments and they're not nice. They're terrible. In my mind, I just wanna, it always takes me by surprise, so I usually freeze when it happens, but when my mind finally kicks in, I just think to myself, "are you serious? Are you kidding me? Do you know what you're saying? Do you know how bad you sound? Right now?". No. And the truth is they don't know because they weren't there with me. They weren't standing inside of the tent, watching me be raped or watching me forced to go around naked all day or to be chained up, or they didn't see what it was like in my day to day life.

But even those few comments alone, they make me feel terrible. And so as I've been able to move on in my life, initially I didn't think, it was very scary for me to put myself out there, [00:05:00] because I just didn't think that anyone else could understand what I went through because I was alone while I was kidnapped. And I'd never heard of anyone else sharing their story.

I never heard of anyone else openly talking about these things that I went through. And so I did feel like I was very alone, so it was very intimidating for me at first. But then as I began to do more and more, I met more and more survivors and I heard more of their stories and it actually helped me to realize that I was so lucky that what happened to me came at the hands of strangers, and because my case was so highly publicized, the vast majority of people have never doubted my story, have never doubted what I've said. But when I listen to other survivors talk about abuse that happened from family members or from friends or from people who were supposed to protect them and people that were [00:06:00] supposed to love them.

It breaks my heart because they said, "oh, I, I never said anything, cuz I just didn't think anyone would believe me. Why would they believe me over this person who they've been friends with for 40 years," or "who they have worked with or who they respect or who they love or who they're married to? I just didn't think that they would believe me" And, it breaks my heart because you shouldn't have to keep the most painful experiences of your life bottled up inside you.

I had the nearest, tiniest, even little drop of a taste of that a couple years ago. And I've talked about it a little bit, but I was on a plane. I was traveling back home. I fell asleep and I woke up to a man rubbing my inner thigh and I was so shocked. Once again, I froze because I just couldn't believe this was happening to me and I didn't immediately respond. And I remember just kind of looking at the guy, waiting for him to take his hand off me because how could he just so brazenly do that?

And [00:07:00] he didn't, and he looked at me while he was rubbing my thigh and I just couldn't believe this was happening. And I finally had to physically pick his hand up and take it off me and move him away from me. And I remember getting off the plane and I called up my husband. I was just like "you won't believe what just happened. And I can't believe this happened to me, myself," and I ended up reporting it. I reported it to the airlines. I reported it to the FBI. They asked me if I wanted to press charges and I thought if he was so brazen to do this to me on an airplane, what else has he done? What other secrets does he have?

Yeah, I will press charges. So I did, and we started moving forward and they investigated this man and ultimately they ended up coming back to me and said we don't feel like we can move forward with the case cuz there's just not enough proof. So the case was closed and for me, I mean it did feel a bit emotional because to some degree it felt like my word wasn't good enough to be [00:08:00] believed. That what I said happened wasn't, it wasn't believable. And that made me feel bad because I feel like I've tried to live my life, my whole life, the best I can. When I've accidentally walked out of the grocery store and a stick of deodorant slipped underneath my child's car seat, when they were in carrier car seats in the grocery store, I've always called up the grocery store afterwards and been like, oh, I didn't realize. It's very specific stick of deodorant slipped under my kid's car seat. And I'm happy to pay for it over the phone. Like I'm happy to pay for it next time I come to the grocery store. I can even give you money outside of my car, but I just have my kids all buckled into the car. And I just, can I just please give you my. Credit card number over the phone, cause I really don't wanna get him out of my car again and go all the way back into the store. But that's just who I am. And I've always tried to be that way. I've always tried to be 100% honest and truthful to the, the best of my abilities.

And so to have them say, I'm sorry, there's just not enough proof, that made me feel bad. And this [00:09:00] experience, I mean is honestly almost laughable in comparison. Although I just wanna add in, we do not compare experiences. But what I'm getting at. Where you have these terrible crimes, these cases of rape and abuse of family members or people that teachers or people in positions of power or, authority in your life where you've been abused.

I only had the nearest tiniest taste of what that felt like. And so to think that that's how you live every day, but with that kind of burden, it absolutely blows my mind. And so that is why we absolutely do need to give our support to victims. Why we need to believe them, why we need to support them, why we need to be there for them and not just immediately start questioning them by saying things like, " why didn't you run?" And "why didn't you scream? Why didn't you do more? Why didn't you say something?" Because that's [00:10:00] not helpful. When you hear those kinds of words, like, "why didn't you", at least speaking from experience, I don't hear the curiosity. I hear the blame. I hear "you should have run. You should have screamed. You should have done more."

And the truth is in my kidnapping, I did everything I could to survive and ultimately I did survive. So I don't regret any of it. And for so many other victims, they're doing what they feel they have to to survive. And that's how they're making it through each and every day, which is why our We Believe You campaign is so important and why this topic of false reporting and false accusations is so important because everyone deserves to be believed. The truth deserves to be believed.

And when someone is out there lying about saying that they've been raped, the damage that they're doing to other victims and survivors, causing that level of doubt to rise up, we have a hard enough time [00:11:00] as it is trying to help educate and honestly convince people that sexual violence and human trafficking and exploitation and Child Sexual Abuse Material, formally known as child pornography, we have a hard enough time convincing people that these are real problems. And when we have false claims and false reports coming in, that makes it even more difficult. That level of doubt just rises even higher. And in today's world, we do not need that. Victims and survivors do not need that. They need all of the love and the support in the world.

So if you want to make a difference, if you want to be educated, I would start by, first of all having this conversation, listening to this podcast, having this conversation in your home with your family talking about what boundaries are. What is a stranger, who is a stranger, who is a safe person? How do you define a safe [00:12:00] person from just a regular person? What is appropriate behavior? What is appropriate touching? What's not appropriate? Helping each one of your family members to understand what is okay, and what is not. Helping them to understand that if something happens to them, number one, it's not their fault, but that they need to tell you.

You will believe them. Begin by having these conversations frequently? Not just once, not just at the beginning of the school year, but have them consistently throughout your family's lives so that if anything ever does happen, they know what to do instead of just freezing and shutting down, they recognize they have options.

I would also recommend going to IAmOnWatch.org, that will help you recognize and take the free training, it's free. It's maybe a little over an hour or about an hour. It'll help you learn to recognize the signs of trafficking, of potential abuse. And then when you do see those [00:13:00] signs, don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call the police.

The worst thing that can happen is that you're right. The worst thing that can happen is that you're right. That someone actually is being abused or someone actually is being trafficked. The best thing that can happen is that you're wrong. That's what we want. We want you to be wrong. That's what you should want for yourself in this situation.

And don't just think, "oh I'm not really sure. So I'm just gonna sit here because I'm sure someone who's closer to them is seeing these as well. And they'll have a better idea than me," because if we all have that mentality, then it will never be reported. So don't be afraid to pick up your phone. Don't be afraid to call in. Don't be afraid to be wrong. Let's aim for being wrong in this case, we want to be wrong, in this case. And finally, make sure you join us this November for our We Believe You campaign. Get involved, follow us on our social media platform, come check us out on our website, come and learn about us.

Learn about the events that we put on, learn [00:14:00] about the ways that you can help support victims and survivors in your own communities and make sure that we are serious, when we talk about the damage that is done to both the accused and other survivors and victims, when false reports come to light.

Don't just say, oh, that's crazy. See, I knew these things never happened. Take it very seriously and make it an opportunity to have a conversation about it. Instead of just being like "there's another liar, another one bites the dust, that's it." Because. This is an uphill battle we're already fighting and we don't need to add more fuel to the flame that we're trying to put out.

So thank you so much for joining me this episode. Thank you for listening to me alone, solo, for the last while talking. But it is a very important topic. And I hope that you walk away feeling like you do have some tools at your disposal and that these are conversations that are and will continue to happen.

So I wanna say thank you so [00:15:00] much for tuning in today. And I look forward to having you next time on our next episode of Smart Talks.